I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to align my fucking chakras
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
