thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't turn off my feet"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
