Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
