Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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