didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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