i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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