mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
