My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
