We're facebook friends in real life
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
