I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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