i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Randomize
