I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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