just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
