I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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