We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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