party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
