I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my vag is so smooth its legendary
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
