that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
