Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
