I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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