My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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