I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
