I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
