sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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