I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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