how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
