3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
