she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
