i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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