I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After tacos, we're chasing women.