Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick