he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting