Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.