I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
