Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.