I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
