she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?