careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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