I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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