good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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