I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
