My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize