He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
