hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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