Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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