I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
