haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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