Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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