Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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