does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
