im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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