So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
