I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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