I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
