Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
