awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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