I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They took my balls.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
