Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
