I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
