i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
