Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
