Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
