I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
