im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
