It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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