Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
