piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
