tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
