So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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