So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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