i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
