so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
