Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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