They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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