he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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