Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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