I'm lost and stupid without you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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