Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Randomize
