My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
