Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
