So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
