I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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