If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
