I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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