I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize