please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
