I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
